


Absolution

by yssanne



Series: I have this gun. Sometimes I think about using it. [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M, Sam POV, manipulative!Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 18:41:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3144560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yssanne/pseuds/yssanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam knows what Dean searches for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absolution

There are other women. Many of them. Dean loves women in all their forms so I let him have them. I think there’s something about the softness of their bodies, their scent that he craves. He’s special, you know, my Dean – though he’s a full blooded hunter, more than I’ve ever been, he seeks permanence. Constant. Comfort. And they give it to him – for an hour or two, some even for the whole night. But, come morning, illusion twists into reality and he runs.

I let him have his women alright and that’s not only because of him. You see, when he leaves in the evening, the ice in me starts whispering. Filthy things, unholy things, things that make my blood boil. Oh yes. They make me imagine his tonight’s special, the slow way he smiles at her, the way he curves his mouth while drinking his beer, the way she feels special and chosen and sooo hot. That’s his gift. They make me see their bodies in the soft light, almost perfect in their abandon, but they don’t have to make me see him in her place, me above him. Oh no, that one comes naturally.

He has no idea how I hate all of them. If I were to let go even for a minute, I’d probably slaughter them, but for him I keep those thoughts on a tight leash, although always close to the forefront of my mind. Yes, given a bit of the chance, I’d bathe in their blood, but he doesn’t need to know that. It’s easier like this.

When he comes back, I usually have my laptop open, working or not, so it at least looks like I’ve been keeping myself busy. I take care to always smile at him, always touch him, always show him how much I love him in small, subtle ways so he has no choice but to soak in it. It makes him feel guilty, which is a bonus, it shows him where is his sanctuary, his home.

It goes on for a day or two, Dean’s ‘I’m alright’ phase, but I already know when to expect the breakdown. If there’s a hunt, it’ll happen earlier, but usually it’s the third day that brings cleansing. I always let him come to me, playing along for his sake, pretending at first I don’t know what’s he talking about, but soon giving him the comfort he so needs. I’ve learned there’s no other way when it comes to Dean but to let him come to me, let him confess everything he thinks he has to. That’s cruel, I am cruel, but if that’s what he needs I’ll give it to him.

You see, I love him. His faults, his strengths, his heart, big as a full moon in the desert. But I especially love him when he comes to me, those eyes so bright and big and boyishly shy, and starts talking. I look at him and his voice trembles, hands insistent on mine, trying to convey all his love and anguish and I can never stay back for long, my arms bending around him and bringing him closer, giving us both peace. That’s my Dean at his purest, most honest, and I’d give him the world in that very moment.

I let him go with his women, let him enjoy them and meanwhile entertain myself thinking of the many ways I could dispose of them. I let him go as my blood boils with ice and revel in it, showing myself I can both still control myself and feel with such intensity. I let him go because I know that with every new dawn and every time he finds absolution in my arms he ties himself closer to me. He will always return, my Dean, so why wouldn’t I give him what he thinks he needs, until he finally lets himself realize I’m the only one who’ll ever love him the way he needs to be loved, a parched forest waiting for the neverending autumn rain.


End file.
